“Eva, please reassure me that I’m not guilty of narcissistic vanity’!”
Eva Brick, the former Russian Olympic shot put champion, stared at the founder of the British United National Kingdom Party (BUNK) and sensed tension within their Mayfair Penthouse Suite. She sat him down and asked if he would hand her the newspaper article he had been reading. She gave him an embrace.
The Great Debaser
“Mr Moanie,” she sighed. “This is not the future Prime Minister that I know. What’s the matter?”
She began to read the front page story from a broadsheet which highlighted the comments made by the crossbench peer Lord Hennessey (Atlee Professor of Contemporary British History at Queen Mary University, London). He was accusing Horace of creating ‘the most severe constitutional crisis involving a Prime Minister’ who, he said ‘had become the great debaser in modern times of decency in public and political life and turned his position into an adventure playground for his narcissistic vanity.’
Surely the British people will see through Horace?
Eva leaped up and turned several Barani somersaults.
“Mr Moanie,” she enthused. “Lord Hennessey is absolutely right.” She handed him a scooped out pineapple filled with assorted nuts and raisins. “Horace is a convicted law breaker who uses Parliament as his own personal plaything. He is surrounded by highly paid sycophants, otherwise known as Cabinet Ministers and over-paid civil servants, for whom there is virtually no accountability.
Inevitably, he will leave office in May 2024 to become a multi-millionaire travelling the global world of the rich by private jet. He will leave the United Kingdom in deep recession with record levels of debt, porous borders with migrants pouring across the Channel and the ludicrous Rwanda proposals in tatters.
The Home Secretary won’t care because she’ll have been elevated to the House of Lords as will about thirty MPs to whom Horace has survived by making promises. Sir Gavin Williamson tells you how low Horace can descend.” She paused, stood up and put on her Lipsy Cropped Boucle Blazer. It was time for some serious talking with her partner. ” Surely the British people will see through Horace?” she asked.
Those Nuclear Weapons
This was perhaps the moment when the growing respect and relationship between Mr Moan and Eva took a new turn. Mr Moan came up close to her.
“Eva,” he started to explain, “I realise that you have your Russian connections and you know President Putin better than most of us. I understand Horace and your earlier summary is brilliant.” He paused and hugged her. “The UK is in a terrible mess. You failed to mention that the NHS is imploding.
Horace doesn’t care: he is allowing Miss Rust to make continuous crazed, bellicose speeches and urge greater involvement in the Ukraine situation. President Putin will use this to justify using nuclear weapons. I am going to read you what is says on the Government website:
The UK’s nuclear deterrent is operationally independent. Only the Prime Minister can authorise the use of our nuclear weapons even if deployed as part of a NATO response. We would consider using our nuclear weapons only in extreme circumstances of self-defence, including the defence of our NATO allies.”
He paused and wiped his eyes.
“It is also possible that Horace will, unilaterally, retaliate and we will have nuclear war. I am sorry to tell you such dreadful things.”
We Need a New PM!
“But Mr Moan, this could be good news!”
Eva stood up, took off her jacket and completed a series of butterfly back-kicks using a karate style.
“How, Eva, how is this possible?”
She landed and picked up her mentor.
“Because it means Mr Moan will become Prime Minister!”