What’s Mr. Moan so happy about this week then? Who’d have thought that The British United National Kingdom Party (BUNK) Leader would be so interested in knighthoods!
Rarely had the former Russian Olympic shot putt champion, Eva Brick, seen her partner in such an ecstatic mood. As she finished hanging from the ceiling of their Mayfair penthouse suite after practising her stomach curls, she dropped onto Mr Moan, the founder of the British United National Kingdom Party (BUNK), squashing him into the Axminster Devonia Confetti carpet, picking him up and hugging him.
“Mr Moanie,” she cried. “Why are you so happy?”
May 2024 General Election Win
Mr Moan limped to a chair and sat down waiting for Eva to join him.
“Beloved,” he said. “We’re guaranteed to win the May 2024 General Election.”
Eva frowned. “But Mr Moanie, we’re way ahead in the polls because of the brilliance of your manifesto wherein BUNK taxes the richest 1% of the population and exempts the working population.”
“General Elections are never certain, Eva, but the man who looks like a haystack has done all the hardwork for me. His supporters will be infuriated.”
Horace Haystack PM
“What has Horace managed to do that so pleases you Mr Moanie?”
Mr Moan roared with laughter. “He has awarded Damson Hideous a knighthood.” He grabbed Eva’s hand and asked her to allow him to explain the situation.
A Knighthood?
“Damson Hideous MP was made Defence Secretary by PM Theresa May in November 2017 and managed to say that ‘Russia should go away and shut up’.
Eva snarled and reached for her English dictionary. “It say here, Mr Moanie, that damson is a small fruit with vibrant dark blue skin and a strong sour flavour.”
“That sums him up perfectly. He was sacked in May 2019 and then Horace appointed him Education Secretary in July 2019. A Teacher’s Union leader described him as ‘the worst occupant in recent memory.”
‘Sir Damson Hideous’ Worst Education Secretary Ever?
Eva was practising her atemi-waza body-striking techniques but paused.
“Mr Moanie. I do not like Sir Damson.”
“It gets worse,” continued the leader of the BUNK party. “During the Covid lockdowns he was accused of letting children go hungry and was sacked in September 2021.”
“But what, Mr Moanie, has he done to deserve a knighthood?” she asked.
“And the riches that go with it, Eva,” said Mr Moan. “He behaved himself on the back benches.”
“I do not understand,” said Eva.
Bury Bad News Day
“When Horace sacks a minister he tries to avoid creating an enemy in the ranks so he will have said to Damson, “Go quietly and I’ll get you a knighthood. Sometimes it’s a peerage, depending on how rich the MP is.” He cringed. “What makes this episode even worse is that Horace has followed the political mantra of burying bad news when nobody is looking.”
Then he paused. “While the whole world is focused on European troubles Horace slips out the required notice of Damson’s and others’ knighthoods knowing it will quickly pass attention.”
Eva hugged her partner.
“I do not like this Sir Damson,” she said, as she lifted Mr Moan into the air. “But I do like the political gymnastics!”
BUNK: The UK’s Latest Political Party – The British United National Kingdom Party
