Prime Minister Horace has resigned!
“Mr Moan, stop blubbering immediately!” yelled Eva, his partner.
Mr Moan, the founder of the British United National Kingdom Party (BUNK) pushed aside his bowl of creamy steel-cut oats with nut butter, berries, and cacao nibs and reached for a soaking-wet handkerchief which had Disney characters in all four corners.
He Has Resigned!
“But, Eva, Horace has resigned,” he exclaimed as he collapsed on to the sofa.
Eva Brick, the former Russian Olympic shot put champion, straightened her Taekwondo pre-shrunk, white cotton outfit and reminded Mr Moan that he had spent the last three years condemning the soon to be former Prime Minister who he described as a criminally minded, dishonest, mentally disturbed cheat and liar: that was on a good day. As the 2024 General Election drew ever closer Mr Moan had reached overdrive in his criticism of Horace.
A Secret Admiration
Eva completed a Systema front summersault and landed on the luxurious carpet of their Mayfair penthouse suite. She went over and held Mr Moan in her arms. “Mr Moanie, I am lost. Why does Horace’s demise upset you so much?”
The United Kingdom’s future Prime Minister looked at his partner and made a surprise confession. “The truth is, Eva, that I have a secret admiration for naughty people.”
Eva Brick exploded. She grabbed Mr Moan and executed a perfect Tai Otoshi. The body drop deposited her partner in the corner of the room: she glared down at him. “So I am naughty, am I?!” she screamed.
Mr Moan now demonstrated the strength of character which would soon propel him to the top of the political world. He ordered Eva to sit down and shut up!
“I have noticed, Eva, you wonderful, perfect companion whom I am so blessed to have, that the public love, and there is no better word for it, naughty people. No-one cares about the dedicated and honest MPs in Parliament. The media-driven frenzy focuses on the fraudulent, MPs fiddling their expenses in big numbers. On the sexually deviant, frequenting Mayfair Clubs and touching up others. Those living off Russian Oligarchs, the sexually active who have affairs and ditch their wives and family. And those like Ms Rust who dedicate their whole time towards personal ambition.” He paused. “Remember Eva that your hero is President Putin.”
What You Need To Succeed as Prime Minister
Eva completed one hundred rapid press-ups and sat down on her haunches.
She was thoughtful.
“So what you are saying, Mr Moanie, is that if you are to succeed, become Prime Minister and fulfil your potential you will have to be, and there is no other word, er… naughty.”
Mr Moan held his partner tightly and kissed her passionately.
“Yes, Eva, the love of my life. Exactly.”
Eva pushed him half a yard back and gave him the definitive Eva smile.
“Oohh,” she said. “I am so looking forward to the naughty future together, Mr Moanie!”