The Psychology of Relationships and How to Survive a Marriage Crisis.
Keeping your relationship strong requires effort from both partners. Every couple goes through the odd ‘crisis’ now and then, but there are things that can help keep the spark alive. Don’t neglect the importance of keeping romance in a relationship. The ability to listen to each other, mutual respect, and ability to compromise are all needed in order to keep things going.
In the psychology of relationships, there are certain periods when you need to pay special attention to your relationship: Year 1, Years 3 – 5, 7 – 8, 10 – 11 and 20. If you’ve started quarrelling over silly things, one of the partners becomes aggressive, you no longer have sex, or things seem to be getting monotonous – it’s time to think about how to rekindle the relationship.
Year 1
In the first year of marriage, the newlyweds start to get used to each other. The rose-tinted specs are taken off and the person in front of them is viewed objectively. This is where some of the flaws start to show.
These can be the main source of conflict:
- Different habits – one partner might be tidy, do the dishes and other chores, whereas the second partner might not be as fastidious.
- Incompatibility of temperament – where the woman might be quick-tempered, but the man is calm, and vice versa.
- Financial difficulties can be a serious issue among many people.
A surprisingly high percentage of couples cannot overcome difficulties during this period in their relationship and divorce often ensues.
Coping with these early issues can actually be quite simple. Often, it’s simply a case of compromise. Take off your ‘crown’ and compromise. Squabbling over the little things early on in a relationship never helps. Try not to be resentful and address any issues at the earliest opportunity.
However, if a relationship has really fallen apart, then it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s all over. You live and learn and there’s almost certainly someone out there for you. Someone who may be more compatible than your last partner. Fortunately, it is also quite easy to meet beautiful girls online nowadays, so if you’re looking for someone new, consider online dating.
Years 3 to 5
During this period, the partners start to harmonise. One of the most important things here is to just be yourself. Keep those qualities that attracted your partner in the first place. Having a first child can challenge a relationship though. The wife switches her attention from her partner to the baby, and the partner can then feel left out.
It’s important for the father to understand that he is no longer her sole focus. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t still love him. It’s just that her priorities have changed.
Years 7 to 8
Psychologically, couples can become tired, or fatigued within a relationship. It’s time to bring back some of those early feelings: go on a romantic date, go on breaks without the children. If either partner wants to get fit again or pursue an old hobby, they should support each other. After all, doing sports, swimming, cycling or even rollerblading together is actually quite good fun. These sort of activities can bring partners together again.
Years 10 to 11
Over the past years, you have experienced a lot, it can sometimes seem that maintaining your relationship is hard work. Often this time coincides with a so-called mid-life crisis of one of the partners. This is where doing things together can really help. You need to spend more time alone, to just keep an interest in each other. Try to avoid conflicts, don’t criticise your soulmate, and broaden your horizons within the relationship.
Years 20+
The kids have grown up and left their parental home. This is where couples who maintained their relationships just for the sake of children divorce. Psychologists advise remembering the good things that happened in your relationship. Try to think about the best moments that you’ve had together. You can pack your bags and go back to the places that you once went to, or try to re-enact your very first date or the one that triggered your romance.
A crisis can be an integral part of any relationship. Sometimes they can actually help your relationship develop and move on. Remember that you have chosen this person and you always wanted to be together. But relationships need continuous work and effort from both sides. Only if this is understood does a relationship obey the ‘till death do us part’ mantra.
