Read why Eva suggests Mr Moan becomes the women’s champion. Leader of BUNK (The British United National Kingdom Party) to end NHS postcode lottery!
“Mr Moan, all is not lost. The answer is women!”
Eva Brick, the former Russian Olympic shot putt champion, stared at the founder of the British United National Kingdom Party (BUNK) and passed him a California Walnut and Apple Bircher Pot. The atmosphere in their Mayfair Penthouse Suite was tense as the overnight realisation that BUNK’s political manifesto was in tatters, absorbed their thoughts.
“Eva,” sighed Mr Moan. “We are finished. The concept of abolishing taxes except for the very rich has been shattered by the Russian oligarchs.” He banged the table and Eva dived across to catch his breakfast. “Only the gullible Miss Rust believes sanctions are working.”
Eva replaced the dish and hugged her mentor.
No More Macron?
“Mr Moan, I agree. I think that before photographing Miss Rust in an army tank they should close the lid!”
“Ha!” chuckled the leader of BUNK. “But Eva, we are finished. British politicians, peers, lawyers and bankers are combining to ensure that the wealthy can move their money and assets offshore while Horace diverts attention by pretending to be winning the war against Putin. Even the French have seen through Macron.” He wiped his mouth. “When in May 2024 BUNK fights the General Election there will be no wealth left in the country for us to tax and we won’t win!” He shook with anger. “Those oligarchs, they are so greedy.”
Eva was regaining her energy and practising her saddle stretches to ensure her hamstrings remained flexible.
Greatest Prime Minister Of All Time
“Mr Moan,” she cried. “I have the answer. BUNK can win and you will become the greatest Prime Minister of all time.”
“How Eva, how?” questioned her partner. “Taxing the rich won’t work.” He was briefly diverted by gasping at her Tiger Claw black and pink uniform.
“Mr Moanie,” Eva yelled as she completed a proprioceptive neuromuscular facilitation. “The solution is women. They will vote for you in great numbers.”
Mr Moan stood up and gazed at himself in the mirror tiled wall.
“Well, I am rather…” he stuttered.
Eva picked him up and sat him on the Sorrento reclining beige sofa paid for by an East European oligarch introduced by the Duchess of York.
“Mr Moan,” she said. “You are very desirable but that is not why you’ll gain the votes of women.” She handed to him a copy of ‘YOU’ magazine included with ‘The Mail on Sunday’ and pointed her finger at the central cover which read, ‘The Doctor will misdiagnose you now..’
She explained that the lead article was written by the Mail’s resident doctor, Dr Ellie Cannon. The headline read… ‘Women, it’s time for a healthcare revolution’. The opening paragraph read:
An average day in my general practice: I will see around 40 patients and do my best for each one, trying just as hard at 6.00pm and I do at 9.00am. But 51% of them will get poorer care. This isn’t because of time, NHS pressure or complex medical conditions. This is because they’re women. And in the UK in 2022, this is a gender health gap.
Mr Moan gasped. “But Eva…”
The Women’s Champion
“Be quiet when Eva is talking,” she instructed. “It gets better. Dr Cannon says that 80% of women in the UK feel healthcare professionals don’t listen to them.” She paused and straightened her elastic waist pants. “So, Mr Moanie, what you are going to do is to make yourself the women’s champion. We are going to understand the women’s complaints and find solutions.”
“How, Eva? The NHS is dominated by old men who divert attention by reorganising the system. They get their peerages and the NHS wastes vast amounts of money.”
“Dr Cannon gives us a clue, Mr. Moan. Listen to this:
NHS Postcode Lottery
There is a vast postcode lottery in sexual health clinics, menopause care and IVF rules
What you’ll do, Mr Moan, is to become the NHS knight riding to the rescue of these poor women by promising to end the postcode lottery.”
Mr Moan stood up. He grabbed his partner and hugged her as he asked how he achieved that objective.
“Money, Mr Moan,” she answered. “You give vast pay rises to doctors willing to work in the worst postcode areas and produce research showing that women’s satisfaction with the NHS is improving.”
Mr Moan sat down and reflected on Eva’s philosophy.
“Just one problem,” he mused. “How will I get the men to vote for BUNK?”
Eva picked him up and held him against the wall.
“Mr Moan,” she said. “Sensible men always do as their women suggest they should.”