This week Tony is having a good old moan about marriage and relationships …
“This Moan is about a ten-point marriage survival kit.
“Husbands are like fire. They go out when unattended”
Zsa Zsa Gabor
A report, conducted by the University of Exeter, has looked at the foundations of a strong romantic relationship. The checklist, so suggests Professor Anne Barlow, who led the study, contains ten questions “to ask to make sure your marriage thrives.”
You may be surprised that “how much money is in the bank account?” is not one of them.
10 Point Marriage Survival Kit
1. “Are my partner and I a “good fit”?” This is developed to mean “ways of successfully navigating stressful times.”
“Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can’t figure out what from.”
2. “Do we have a strong basis of friendship?”
3. “Do we want the same things in our relationship?”
Some friends of mine were going through a rocky patch when she came across the concept of a weekly date-night. They both took it seriously, booked a romantic Italian restaurant and enjoyed the wines. They then fell out over who should pay the bill.
4. “Are our expectations realistic?”
5. “Do we generally see the best in each other.”
The hilarious TV series, ‘Men Behaving Badly’ (1992 – 2014) featured Gary (Martin Clunes) and his ongoing tempestuous relationship with Dorothy (Caroline Quentin). In one episode, Dorothy manages to persuade a reluctant Gary to attend a professional relationship session. The outcome is a shambles, as Gary manages to successfully chat up the therapist. (It’s on You Tube)
6. “Do we both feel we can discuss things freely and raise issues with each other?”
The same friend (above), having experienced a failed date-night, later went to marriage guidance. He was told there are three main reasons for marital collapse: issues involving money, sex and a failure in communication.
“Friendship is essentially a partnership”
7. “Do we both work at keeping our relationship vibrant?”
8. “Are we both committed to working through the hard times?”
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife
9. “When we face stressful circumstances do we pull together to get through it?”
If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun
10. “Do we have supportive others around us?”
The current statistics reveal that 42% of marriages end in divorce. Of these, half will end in the first ten years. The average age is 46.1 men and 43.7 women. The highest incidence of divorce occurs in men aged 45 – 49 and in women 30 – 39. The average length of UK marriages is twelve years. Only 28% of divorcees re-marry.”
“Coming together is a beginning: keeping together is progress: working together is success”