“Mr Moan, please, I can help you” suggested Eva his partner.
Mr Moan, the founder of the British United National Kingdom Party (BUNK) grimaced as he stood on the medical scales and heard a voice utter the dreaded verdict.
“Your weight is two hundred and sixteen pounds” said a Chinese sounding national eminating from the apparatus on the floor.
Take Off More Clothes
“I’ll take off some more clothes,” proposed Mr Moan.
Eva Brick, the former Russian Olympic shot put champion, straightened her karate outfit and reminded Mr Moan that he had already removed everything. He checked his wrist app. “Eva,” he cried out. “My BMI is 31. That’s obese.” His face contorted with anguish. “My political image is ruined.”
Eva stamped her foot on the luxurious carpet of their Mayfair penthouse suite.
“Body, mass, index, she exploded. “Bred kakoy to!” she shouted, reminicent of President’s Putin’s description of the Foreign Secretary’s warnings over Ukraine. She paused and picked up a book.
Dieting is about your BMR
“Mr Moan. Dieting is about your BMR,” she said as she handed him a bowl of mixed nuts and probiotic goat’s milk. “I am reading a wonderful book. It is called ‘Why We Eat (Too Much)’ by Dr Andrew Jenkinson. He’s a bariatric surgeon here in London but he has travelled the world.” She smiled and Mr Moan melted. “Every page is interesting as he explains the science of epigenetics and your weight set-point.”
“If you eat too much, you put on weight,” summarised the future Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
“Oh, Mr Moan, you are a sucker for believing the food industry hype. They want you to eat ‘healthy’ foods but they are misleading if rather profitable. Dr Jenkinson explains how to manage a diet to ensure you regain your natural set-weight. But he starts with your BMR. Did you know that 70% of a normal diet is used by the body to generate energy to run your organs?”
“I knew that” snapped Mr Moan. He pushed the unfinished breakfast bowl away. “What is this BMR?”
Eva sat down on their new sofa from Harrods paid for by a Russian Oligarch.
“It stands for Basal Metabolic Rate and it refers to the amount of energy used by a person to perform subconscious tasks such as breathing, heartbeat, temperature control and cell chemical reactions. The energy comes from the food and drink you digest. To control weight Dr Jenkinson helps you understand how a diet containing the right foods can help ensure the remaining 30% of your energy generation is used efficiently.”
Weight and Energy
Mr Moan pondered her explanation and asked her how you measure your BMR.
“Doctors use the Harris-Benedict formula,” she replied opening the book and starting to read out aloud. “For a man BMR = 66 + (6.23 x weight in pounds) + (12.7 x height in inches) – (6.8 x age in years).”
“My health tracking app says my BMR is 1,490 kcal/day,” he said.
“Mr Moan,” sighed Eva. “We must talk more after you have read the book. But trust me, your diet is so important.”
“But Eva, you ensure that I eat the right vegan foods,” he exclaimed.
Suddenly Eva rushed over to her partner and executed the perfect Tani Otoshi throw: the ‘valley drop’ deposited Mr Moan into the corner of the room.
“And what about the box of doughnuts you have hidden in the box room?” she asked.
Tony Drury (aka Mr Moan) is the founder of Earn Your Health Community Interest Company and the author of ‘The Doughnut Diet: how to lose one pound in weight’. To download a free copy go to ‘Home’ on www.earnyourhealth.org
